Resurrected from the bread

Seriously? He’s off the grid for five months and he tries to pull a bread pun?

“off the grid” – as off the grid can get when you’re hanging laundry from a string between the TV and the doorknob at the Best Western. Anyways, that’s right folks, I’m back and better than ever. I know, I haven’t written since October (don’t act as if you weren’t keeping track, I see you thumbing through that calendar), but I just received another grade D haircut from Great Clips, and I figured I should take back control and fire up the blog again. That’s right, my beautiful locks ended up on the wrong end of a scissors, which were wielded like a set of hedge trimmers by my gardener hair-stylist. A shell of my former handsome self, I now boast the aesthetics of a sharply dressed mushroom.

Anyway, back to my adventures on the road. I must say, I can’t really recall much to write about. Everything has been so crazy that I’ve come to accept it as normalcy, not truly understanding the bizarreness of things.

Yes, I’m still enjoying life on the road as a Hotdogger. I think at first there’s a lot of pressure to ‘love’ the entire experience throughout. That’s probably why I had an easier time writing at first, as my blog was a tangible ‘product’ of my time on the road. But I had to take a step back and reconsider everything; I have to derive meaning of this for myself. I don’t mean to make this into something more epic than it really is, (I mean cmon I drive a giant hot dog for pete’s sake) however there are a lot of things that I’ve come to terms with that not many people my age have done. Like leaving behind your home base and social sphere of 20+ years, but being unable to create a new social sphere due to the limited amount of time you’re in any one place. It’s a detachment from society in a way, kind of how I imagine it is for that Snickers that gets caught in the metal rings in the vending machine. But alas I will persevere through and talk about some of the cool stuff that’s happened along the way. I won’t hit every place (like New Jersey for the fourth time, ugh), but maybe some of my favorites so far.

Vermont

Home of the covered bridges and dogs with handkerchief bandanas, Vermont was pretty cool. I was there mid-October, so as you can imagine the scenery was just beauuuuutiful. The hiking, apple picking, crapping yourself as you ride your brakes the entire way down a steep hill, only to find the next turn has a steeper hill… boy was it great. It’s sort of hard to describe, but being at this corner of the US, overlaid with the scenery, made it seem like the edge of the world. There’s something so untethered about it.

South Bend, Indiana

Though not the sexiest place on earth, this market was cool because we got to plan all of our own events for what is called the “Hotdogger Challenge”, where each team is given one week around Halloween to come up with the best slot of events to garnish the most media attention. Cookout Cady and me planned a fun week full of goodies like the Haunted Hilly Half-Marathon, a costume contest at one of the local coffee shops, fun at the Ronald McDonald House, and even a food drive from the Wienermobile. Of course, we spent the entire week dressed as Ketchup and Mustard.

Virginia and Thanksgiving break

I think Virginia was the last state that I was able to run outside and still have self-respect. After that, things got a little too chili dog and I retreated to the treadmills of winter once more. But all around Virginia was tight. Got out to do some bouldering at one of the gyms in Roanoke (something I’ve been doing in each city since) and even met the personal chef of Paul McCartney at the Wienermobile one day.

Thanksgiving break was a nice break from the Wienermobile. Of course, I was back to the grind at Karl’s, but I welcomed the long and physical days. It allowed my brain to stretch a bit after the mental wear and tear from life on the road. A few of the family + Emily made the pilgrimage to Kewaskum for the annual Turkey Trot. My goal coming in was to make the podium, but when I saw there were a few guys there that had shorts that were shorter than mine, well… I was a little gun shy. Things turned out ok and I took 3rd, so I’ll chalk that up as a success. Dad and I got out for some pheasant hunting, which has solidified itself as probably my favorite form of hunting at this point. Something about moving about in the fields and watching the dogs work makes for a peaceful afternoon. Oh, I also had a septoplasy two days before flying back to New Jersey (of all places), so that made for an interesting flight. The pressure on the airplane caused some swelling and bleeding, and by the time I made it to the hotel it looked like I just got out of a Quentin Tarantino movie. I think the hotel receptionist nearly fainted.

Buffalo, NY

Despite not diving off a roof into a folding table and risking bodily harm, for a week, I felt like part of the Bills Mafia crew (NFL reference for you non-sports stars). I checked out some “hiking” spots (such a loose term at this point. It was a nature conserve with a couple miles of trails. Saw some pretty nature despite the frigid cold), ate some of ‘the best Buffalo Wings in Buffalo’ at some dive bar, and went to check out the Niagara Falls. Niagara was pretty awesome despite it being the winter season. The water don’t care, it just keeps on trucking off those cliffs. You do you, water.

Oh we also had a lama named Hotdog show up at one of our events. Hot Dog!

Winter Break

The time between Thanksgiving break and winter break went faster than mom’s stuffing on Turkey Day. I headed back home for two weeks, spending a few days in La Crosse to meet my cousin Scott’s fiance who recently moved here from California (welcome to the midwest, Jacqueline!). Worked Karl’s for a day or two (I can’t keep all the days straight anymore – all I know is I definitely was there helping sling turkeys and steaks and the such!) and finally got out skiing with my buddies up in Indianhead, or as we call it “South Padre Island of the North”. We showed those Yoopers what it means to dance, drink and shred the pow.

After the break, I scooted back to Louisville and then to Michigan with my partner Cady for one last hurrah before our reassignment to a new territory/new partner. Not much to write about there (it was cold, our Wienermobile received some love in the form of a new starter, and I ran on more treadmills).

The starting/ending of an Era

So, with the ending of my first half, I made the pilgrimage back to Madison to discover who my new region and new partner was… which is.. drumroll please…. Jalepeño Josie on the Central team! All 12 Hotdoggers received a new region and new partner after our Winter Staff meeting, just to switch things up a bit. My time on the east coast with Cady was grand, but alas it was time to move on (and away from NEW JERSEY!).

Josie is from South Texas, so it’s safe to say she was a little chili dog when she first arrived up in Madison during January. But she’s adapted fairly well (had her first near-miss with deer crossing the highway), and has embraced the Midwest culture like a champ. She even says “Ope!”

We spent a lotttt of time in between Madison and Milwaukee because of the polar vortex. That system came through and screwed up our entire schedule, which consisted of recruiting at UW for the next year of Hotdoggers. Since classes were cancelled and the campus became a literal ice sculpture (the beer remained unfrozen, thankfully), we had to reschedule our visit, which meant we would no longer travel to Atlanta to the warmer weather. To summarize, we bounced back and forth between Chicago, Milwaukee, and Madison for about 4 weeks in the dead heat of midwest winter, braving -30 degree temps and roads like ice skating rinks. Josie witnessed me shoveling snow, and learned a little bit about what it means to scrape a half-inch thick sheet of ice off your windshield in the morning.

One of the cool things we’ve been doing on the road is checking out climbing gyms. I became a little obsessed after watching Free Solo and running into Alex Honnold randomly while in Chicago picking up the Wienermobile. I definitely fan girled a little bit when I saw him scurrying across the street in the concrete jungle. His story was too cool not to immerse myself a little bit in the sport of climbing.

Badger Hockey game in Chicago (new partner Josie on my left!)Me and Alex HonnoldAxe throwing: Almost as fun as splitting wood with Paul in the backyard every fall.

Iowa

From the Milwaukee/Madison/Chicago area, we started traveling west. Iowa, Nebraska and Colorado were all in our sights. You know I was stoked about Colorado, but I was pleasantly surprised by Iowa. We spent some time in Monticello, where they had no ubers and no rental car agencies; transportation we desperately needed for a weekend while our Wienermobile was in a car show. The nice ladies at the Boulder Inn and Suites found us a hookup with a local car dealership, which I insisted was necessary after hearing “the gas station delivers food if you need it?”. We spent the weekend with the locals (about 2,000 of them), eating at the one Mexican joint in town 4 times in 3 days and teaching Josie to play darts at the local tavern. Her lessons started with her spraying the wall with darts, and ended with her beating me in a round. Guess I’m a great teacher eh?

Monticello Car Show

From Monticello we kept chugging along to Des Moines. We had a great week of food, family and fun, thanks to the alumni, family of a current Hotdogger, and my own cousins Tina and Danny who graciously welcomed me into their home for a night. Anytime you get a chance to stay in a house – with normal house smells and sounds – you take it. Seriously, I even crave vacuuming sometimes. Tina and Danny cooked up some delicious Mozart dish for dinner, which I eagerly consumed too much of and digested happily by the fireplace after. Though it was a short stay, it was very heartwarming. Tina even sent me off with a few new books to read.

The wonderful Schulte family (of Hotdogger Kelli), who welcomed us with open arms while in Des Moines.

I’ll leave it here for now! Next up comes Omaha and Colorado. I’ll get back on the blog horse so you aren’t holding your breath for 3 months

With relish,

Forrest