Nickelback’s Pool Boy: My Dream Job

A mentor of mine once told me about a useful exercise when job hunting to unearth roles worthy of one’s time. 

It’s simple: You write out a position description of your Dream Job. By writing out line by line your aspirations for your ideal role, you create a compass to guide you through the likely hundreds of PD’s you’ll encounter. 

As I’m in the midst of job hunting myself, I thought I’d give it a try:

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Nickelback’s Pool Boy

Entry Level – Full Time

PRIMARY DUTIES:

• Ensure pool is operating daily for kickbacks, from scooping out dead leaves to blowing up various pool floaties

• Multitask between grilling the kebabs, shuffling Nickelback’s Greatest Hits, and orchestrating dunk contests on the floating basketball hoop

• Supervise Josh from across the street while he mowes the lawn and, when applicable, help him trim around the gazebo

• Rub sun tan oil on the band members’ backs and other hard to reach places

• Communicate effectively with pool guests to determine which flavor Doritos they desire

CANDIDATE REQUIREMENTS:

• A bronze tan

• Ability to look Nickelback in the eye and flat out lie that everyone doesn’t hate them

• Can at minimum backflip off the diving board

• When necessary, spray the neighbor kids with the garden hose if caught sneaking into the pool

SALARY AND PERKS:

• No salary, stock options available

• Fully-furnished 8×12 ft. pool house, complete with mini fridge, foosball table and gently used twin-sized mattress 

• Privileges to host social gatherings in aforementioned pool house (kickbacks only)

• Unlimited Mike’s Hard Lemonade, the unofficial bevvy of Nickelback

To apply, please write your nick name and bro tank size in a 5-star review of the Nickelback song ‘Photograph’ on iTunes.

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Alright, so maybe I’m flying a little close to the sun with this one. But I am seeking out my next adventure in copywriting, advertising, marketing or sales. If you’re looking for outside-the-box thinking and an unbounded passion for creativity, please reach out!